I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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