My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
