i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
