Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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