I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
