Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
