You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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