Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
