Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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