Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
