You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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