Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
