Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
