I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
