Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
