how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
