dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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