So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
