Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
