I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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