You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I need a beard to bite.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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