***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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