This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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