There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
