does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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