Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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