why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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