just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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