I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
