I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
