i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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