So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
