We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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