Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
