meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
