office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
