I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
