Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
