You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
