Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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