i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
