I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
