cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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