He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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