So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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