none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
