Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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