dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
