the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
