dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I need to align my fucking chakras
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
