Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
